' CHRISTMAS MUSINGS on Incarnation, Awakening and Being Human '...

The word awakening usually refers to the liberating recognition that we are not limited to the body or encapsulated inside it. We are the radiant presence being and beholding it all, the no-thing-ness showing up as everything, the awareness in which the body-mind-world-universe appears, the all-inclusive Here-Now that is at once ever-present and ever-changing.

But at the very same time, being human and apparently embodied as a particular, unique expression of the infinite is also part of what we are, and it’s not some dreadful mistake that we need to transcend and leave far, far behind. It’s the ocean waving, the living reality expressing itself as you and me, just exactly as we are.

And how are we? Like an ocean wave, “the body” is not the static, persisting, independent, solid “thing” that any label seems to imply, nor is “the mind” or “the person” or “the brain” or “planet earth” or anything else. What appears to be solid and substantial is actually thorough-going impermanence, and what appears to be separate and independent is in fact an undivided and seamless totality. Nothing is ever actually “out there” or “in here.” No separation really exists between inside and outside, between subject and object, or between awareness and content.

Some forms of spirituality, particularly versions of Advaita, seem to suggest that we should totally deny being an apparent individual. Instead of saying that we are not limited to the body or encapsulated inside it, many teachers assert that we are not the body in any way at all. Period. According to such teachings, we should identify only as pure consciousness, limitless and impersonal, transcendent and beyond it all. This can be a very appealing idea because as “mere mortals,” we are vulnerable to pain, disability and death. Our human lives often seem messy, uncertain and unresolved. And many of us are deeply convinced that we are not okay, that something is fundamentally wrong with us. There is a pervasive feeling of not being good enough.

Many of us spend our lives trying to be somebody else—somebody other than the person we actually are, somebody we think is more talented, more compassionate, more enlightened, more intelligent, more fashionable, more beautiful, more handsome, more confident, more disciplined, more generous, more successful, more skillful, more peaceful, more manly, more feminine, wealthier, healthier, stronger, fitter, taller, shorter, thinner, younger, older—whatever it is. We are endlessly chasing self-improvement or the fantasy of escape.

Waking up is a process (always immediate, always now) of questioning and seeing through all these thoughts, stories, beliefs, and self-images. It is a process of recognizing the fluid, insubstantial, ever-changing nature of the apparent body-mind-world and also recognizing the boundless and impersonal awaring presence being and beholding it all.

But being awake also has something to do with being comfortable and at ease being exactly as we are—not just in the transcendent sense of being pure consciousness or no-thing at all—but also as a unique person in the play of life. THIS person. The one we actually are, not the one we think would be better, or the one we think we “should” or “could be” or “could have been” (if only…), but THIS person, right here, right now, just as we are.

In Zen Buddhism, there’s a lay ordination ceremony where you are given a little bib-like Buddhist robe along with a Buddhist name, a name that your teacher chooses for you. The name is usually in some Asian language, and in the Zen schools I’m familiar with, it has two parts, one being something about who you are, and the other something you are becoming or aspiring to (or at least, that’s my never-ordained, ex-Zen student understanding of it).

Once ordained, you have a shiny new Buddhist name like Myozen, Sojun, Dairyu or Ryuten—something foreign and exotic. The English translation is typically something that sounds idyllic, spiritual and above the fray, such as “Quiet Mountain/Heroic Effort” or “Way of Joy/ Boundless Equanimity” or “Lotus Flower/Empty Mind.” This definitely seems like a step up from being Joe Blow.

But there’s one Buddhist teacher in NYC (Barry Magid) who apparently gives people their own actual, ordinary, everyday names at lay ordination. In other words, instead of being named something exotic-sounding like those examples above, I would be given the Buddhist name Joan Tollifson.

I think this is so wonderful. Your Buddhist name, your sacred name, what you are and what you are aspiring to is exactly who you are—this very person, this vulnerable and transient lump of flesh right here, this utterly unique, ever-changing expression of totality, this human being that is messy, imperfect, unresolved, flawed and yet absolutely perfect, just as it is—THIS is who you are called to be. Exactly this. THIS wave, just as it is, not some other bigger, better wave somewhere else.

I’m not a Christian or a theologian, but I feel maybe this is what Christianity points to with the mystery of the incarnation—that God comes down to earth, takes on human form and human vulnerability and experiences human suffering and limitation—i.e., GOD is not just some transcendent, ethereal, beyond-it-all, heavenly being who lives far away in some sanitized heaven where everyone has left all this messy human stuff behind and dissolved into pure consciousness or pure light, but rather, GOD is right here in the nitty-gritty of ordinary life, hanging on a cross, feeling the excruciating pain of those nails. And, of course, GOD is also the resurrection, the way we can rise from the dead, metaphorically speaking, again and again.

God is both the transcendent (pure consciousness, pure light, unconditional love) and the relative world of apparent forms and earthly dramas. In fact, these apparently different realities are not two! This is the liberating message and realization of non-duality. Kabir expressed it by saying, “All know that the drop merges into the ocean, but few know that the ocean merges into the drop.”

THIS is the pure light, THIS is nirvana! Right here, right now. God is both the crucifixion and the resurrection, both enlightenment and delusion. These apparent polarities are two sides of the same coin. They are different, and those differences are discernable, but the two sides are also inseparable, and we can never say exactly where one side ends and the other begins. They are one event, and there is no such thing as a one-sided coin or a one-ended stick.

As human beings, we are all the expression of totality, the waving of the infinite ocean, the dance of emptiness—each one of us, exactly as we are. As a person, we are never exactly the same way twice, or from one moment to the next, for we are ever-changing and inseparable from everything else. And as boundless awareness or radiant presence, we are the whole, the totality, the alpha and omega: Here-Now, ever-changing and ever-present.

It seems to me that our true calling is indeed to fully embody THIS life, exactly the one we actually ARE, just as it is. So, enjoy the incarnation and the precious gift of life. Enjoy the whole show, even the messy, dark, scary, seemingly imperfect parts. Enjoy BEING the whole enchilada, the Holy Reality, right here, right now. And enjoy being YOU in every sense. This is it!


Merry Christmas!
Joan Tollifson