Reminding us that anger harms us more than it does those on whom anger is directed the Buddha advises against anger as follows:
"The person possessed of anger; discoloured,
Does not have sound sleep.
Even when experiencing the beneficial
He mistakes it as mischief.
Then he harms another
By thought, speech and deed
As result, he will suffer.
Loss of property (fines or punishment).
Crazed by wrath he behaves thus
That invites ill-repute.
His relatives, friends and acquaintance
Shun him, for his temper - hot.
Anger fathers misfortune
Anger maddens one's mind
It is a danger that rises from within
But man realizes it not.
The angered knows not what is right
Nor does he see what really is
Surrounded by darkness he dwells
Who now does anger defeat?
Captivated and maddened by anger
He does what is unwholesome with ease
But in time when anger is spent
Regrets he, as one burnt by flames."
Anguttara Nikaya
As the cause of anger is craving, one often finds that intense anger is felt towards those we love the most. As such it is most important that we learn how to manage our anger so as not to hurt the people we love. One should not assume that those we love will accept and excuse our inappropriate behaviour. Even if they do not tell us how they feel, one can be sure that over time they will not love or respect us for such behaviour.
The Buddha's advice for anger management is boundless compassion and loving kindness through mental development. The Buddha said:
"Anger is never appeased by anger
Anger is appeased by loving kindness.
This is an eternal truth."
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