' From Ego to Enlightenment '...

The journey from ego to enlightenment consists of one step taken countless times. You step out of your ego and into the light. But wait, hold on. The emptiness is too much for you to bear. There is no glare, only total darkness. For enlightenment begins there. The ego has it all wrong.

The ego is wrongness now facing itself for the first time. There is no brass band. Just the sheer horror of facing yourself without a mirror. No one to say they love you or will save you if you just play the game for one more day.

Where is God? He is definitely not in this first step toward Him. Do you think He would welcome you home without a test to see if you were worthy?

He is watching to see what you will do next. And He knows you will turn and run back to the supposed comfort of your ego. And so that is what you do.

But He is still with you, still watching you. Your flimsy ego is not too much for Him to take. But He cannot interfere with the process of homecoming.

Now you are hating yourself. Doubting yourself. Trying to pull yourself together to face the rest of the day in total fakery. You do it so well.

In the afternoon of that first day, you take that one step into the light half a dozen times. God is watching you.

You fall asleep on the sidewalk with drool coming out of your mouth. Your specialness has evaporated and night is coming.

Someone walks by and sees you. They take compassion on you and help you up. You are screaming no. You refuse to go back to your ego.

You look at the stranger in fury. "Leave me alone. Leave me alone." And so they do. And you stagger into the arms of God. He couldn't welcome you home until you saw how far you had fallen. How your sins outweighed your so-called good behavior.

This will go on until the day you die. Mea culpa becomes your favorite two words. God has become so intimate with you that He just smiles as you say those two words. He hears them as "I love you." And He, of course, has always loved you back. The journey from ego to enlightenment has always been His little joke on you.


-Vicki Woodyard