John Wheeler on the I and the ego...

But if we look at that and examine that just like we’re looking at these other things, what is the me?


Or who am I? What am I actually? We’re gonna see a couple of things and both are just fine. One is we see that that me is only an idea that comes and goes and that’s not what I am. So the conceptual me is not my true nature. And we see that and that unlinks that identification with that because okay let the ego get enlightened, let it suffer, let it do whatever it wants to do cause that’s just about that image, but that’s not what I am, it doesn’t describe me. Or if we look at that sense of me and say what am I actually? and actually trace it back to what I actually am, what my real presence is, we discover the true self, the true presence, the true being. And then I am that already. So that’s pretty good.

So it’s like if we look at this me as either the imaginary self and see that that’s not what I am, that kind of resolves the suffering based on that. But if we take that sense of me to refer to the true self, so to speak, then we find I already am that effortlessly and there’s no separation. And both are, sometimes when I talk about this, both sides of that are useful to see what I’m not and also to see what I truly am. And some of the teachers have said something like that. I think it was Nisargadatta, he said something like 'stop being what you’re not and don’t refuse anymore to be what you are.' In practice, what does this really look like? The best way to describe it is like a sense of confusion on identity. I don’t know who I am. I haven’t looked at my being. It’s not clear what that is. Nobody’s pointed it out. I haven’t stopped long enough to notice it so my mind has stepped in, the mind has stepped in and said, I’ll tell you what you are. And it’s not malicious, it’s just saying look if you don’t know you’re looking, you want to know, I’ll try to tell you what you are. And the closest it can come up with is this sense of a conceptual self even though that’s only a concept, but we don’t really spot that and then we begin to think that that image is what I am and the mind begins adding to that and it puts more and more things on it.

And then in our life we find ourselves suffering under this kind of wavering identity. Like what am I? And the mind is saying all these things like you’re limited, you’re not enlightened, you’re not good enough, you’re small, you’re unsatisfactory, whatever, but that’s not you though, see that’s the mental picture of you. But at some stage since we haven’t stopped and looked at this we are basically believing that and we think that that’s what I am. And that is not a pretty sight, usually.

(laughter)

John: I mean the separate self notion and all these ideas, if you look at them they are mostly negative. There are some good ones, but they are largely kind of limited. Why? Because the very notion of being a separate self outside of reality is already a huge comedown, it’s already a huge limitation, so the very core concept on which everything is based on is already a limitation. It doesn’t feel right. It’s like children already at a young age they start to feel uncomfortable being a separate someone. But instead of actually getting to the root of that and trying to take it back and see what’s going on, we keep trying to correct that by throwing all of these antidotes onto it. And it can make it accentuated. So it feels like, you know, those jaw breakers, they add layers and layers of candy on, so it’s like this mind idea gets from the I thought like a pearl or oyster or something like that from that little seed it gets another layer: I’m a body. I’m a John Wheeler. I’m a spiritual being. I’m not enlightened. I’m not good enough. I’m this. I’m a person. And each and every one of those things is just an idea. But until we question that, until we come back to look at this who am I question, the odds are every time the mind comes up and says something like that we’ll go oh, that’s true. There’s something wrong with me. And even the spirituality itself can be just an addition onto that thing itself. That’s why all the teachings, you know, Buddhism and all these things, and they do say that at some stage the teaching itself, the satsang, the language, the pointers


all that gets discarded. It has to get discarded cause you can’t spend the rest of your life being a seeker going for an awakening or something and not there yet. That’s not gonna cut it. Cause that is not satisfying. It’s actually suffering. If you see what your being is and don’t pick up a concept it has no suffering, it has no problems, there’s nothing wrong with the being. The moment I pick up the idea that I need to get enlightened, I’ve already started suffering. So there is a Zen story where somebody said to the teacher, “What’s the cause of suffering?” And he said, “Seeking enlightenment.”


These tricky Zen stories, wow, that’s a heavy one, that’s amazing.

(laughter)

John: The same teacher said, “What’s the cause of the ignorance?” And he said, “Trying to get rid of it.”




John Wheeler

Rockville, MD

May30-June 1