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Awareness and Consciousness...

You could say that awareness isn't dependent upon consciousness. Awareness is, always, whether or not there are bits of electricity firing away in the brain to produce a solid reference point that is identified with. Whether those reference points are there or not, "corrupted" or not (as with brain injury, delusional psychosis, etc), awareness - life - always is. The small thing we seem to be is a convenience, perfectly crafted by itself to apprehend itself, with "aberrations" (altered states of mind, hallucinations etc.) thrown in for variety. Without consciousness, you are that indefinable thing variously labeled awareness, God, presence, Sunyata etc., not a thing, but some essence that simply is, and isn't bound by time or space. And that's what you are, completely boundless, infinite, and eternal, whether you like it or not.

So why do so many feel it as such a horrible thing? Probably because the reflection of the infinite - what we know as day to day life - has taken on the identity of Totality, and as each day to day story of a life comes to an end, we can't take the thought of not existing in what we believe is the only way. Fear of death, in other words. The small self loves to exist - it doesn't want to not exist. It's very understandable.

The possible "good" thing is - the reflection is no less "one" than the indefinable essence, awareness, that it reflects. Splitting it into two - awareness and reflection - is a head's up that the mind is involved, splitting away (as is its job). Take any concept with a massive grain of salt, no matter how brilliant, or simple, or direct, or seemingly "The Truth". When we just get on with it, be it, do it, think whatever we think without picking it to bits - and actually there's nothing wrong with picking it to bits - life is more smoothly lived, with less apparent suffering. And suffering itself is part of the appearance as well. Whatever it is that seems to be happening, it happening just as it must. If the small self can somehow let go of needing to be in charge of it, it can be much more efficient...but it doesn't need to be "more efficient". It only needs to be exactly as it is, or as it seems.

So many people want to train themselves to see what's right in front of their noses, and, in fact, is their nose, and the seeing of it. They are tortured by their thoughts. Well...remember that what we're calling "themselves" is probably the ego, suffering from a rather grandiose case of mistaken identity. There can certainly arise a story of the ego doing its best to train itself to see thoughts as objects, and the objects are not what you are etc., but maybe it's an easier story to just ignore those pesky thoughts. "My" thoughts can do what they like - doesn't bother me a bit. They're not "my" thoughts. They're just thoughts. Awareness is, no matter what. One way of calming down the hyper mind (that is the tool of duality) is to think of your thoughts as oneness (awareness), "thought-ing". Again, whatever thoughts come up, or seem to, are what thoughts must come up. Nothing "wrong" with any of them.

People seem to make a big deal of the story of the "awakening moment" - it's something solid the ego can hold on to and wait for, deflecting its death for "another time". Well, just remember that "what happened for me" is just another nothingness, made apparently "real", and exists only as memory NOW. It's always now o'clock. My fevered (and tolerated) brain tends to put a story to it along the lines of "I realised what I had been looking for all this time was my life, just exactly as it is." There seemed to be a "shift" but not much of one. The thing that seemed to die was the need for whatever was happening to be anything else than exactly what it was. And what it was, and is, is just life toddling along as it always has, unresisted. Very, very, very, very simple! The mind will complicate it; the mind can try explain the mystery of life in any of a billion billion ways. I don't think awareness gives a flying fart whether awakening happens or not. It's just more dust in the wind, a tale told by an idiot, signifying nothing, but a hell of a lot of fun, and to be relished.

A good friend of mine (Mike over at http://thepeacefulself.com) says that the ego is comprised entirely of fear. That definitely strikes a chord. Perhaps this is a maxim: Anything you don't want, don't fight it. Go with it. Feel the fear. Actually, you don't have to do a thing...you just don't know it "yet"! And there is no yet. Awareness isn't hanging around, getting more aware while your thoughts fool around with trying to figure all this out. You are infinite, eternal, whole, complete and perfect NOW. There is only now. Full stop. And whatever it is you're looking for, it's not what you imagine it to be...boxing it in will keep it ever elusive...and paradoxically, boxing it in and trying to figure it all out is just perfect too. You're doing it. You've done it. You're here, even if "here" is doubts and pain and suffering and financial instability and bereavement. This. Is. It. ..........Suzanne Foxton

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